You’re Allowed to Choose Again

There’s a strange thing that can happen once we’ve told people our plans. 

Suddenly, it feels like we have to follow through.

We’ve said it out loud. Maybe we’ve spent the money, made the booking, accepted the job, started the business, committed to the idea or told everyone how excited we are about what comes next. It’s no longer just a thought quietly sitting inside our own head. Other people know about it now.

Then something changes.

Sometimes it’s our circumstances. Sometimes it’s finances. Sometimes new information comes along that we didn’t have when we made the original decision. And sometimes there’s no dramatic explanation at all. We simply start to realise that what felt right before... doesn’t feel quite so right anymore.

I know that feeling VERY well.

I’ve had quite a few moments like this in my own life, and particularly in my business. I’ve cancelled things I genuinely believed in when I created them. I’ve changed direction after putting months of work into an idea. I’ve questioned travel plans I was once completely certain about. And I’ve definitely held onto things longer than I should have because I didn’t want to feel like I was giving up.

That last one is probably the hardest for me to admit.

Sometimes I haven’t kept going because I still believed in the plan. I’ve kept going because changing my mind felt harder than continuing.

Maybe you know that feeling too.

We hear so much about perseverance. We’re told to keep going, push through the difficult bits and finish what we started. And sometimes that advice is exactly what we need. Some of the things I’m most proud of in my life required me to keep going when it would have been much easier to stop.

But I think we sometimes forget that there’s another side to perseverance.

There’s knowing when something is worth fighting for, and then there’s continuing simply because we’re afraid of what it might mean if we stop.

Those are not the same thing.

Sometimes we’re staying loyal to a decision made by an earlier version of ourselves, under circumstances that no longer exist.

That has been a big lesson for me.

A decision may have been absolutely right when you made it and still not be right for you now. That doesn't mean you were foolish for choosing it. It doesn't mean the time, money or energy you put into it was wasted. And it certainly doesn't mean you've failed.

You made the best decision you could with the information, circumstances and version of yourself you had at the time.

Since then, maybe the circumstances changed. Maybe the money changed. Maybe your priorities shifted. Maybe life threw something at you that you couldn't possibly have predicted.

Or maybe you changed.

Surely we're allowed to do that.

When I look back at some of the things I've changed my mind about, I can see that letting go wasn't the end of the story. Quite often it created room for something that suited me far better. I just couldn't see the new possibility while I was putting all my energy into trying to make the old one work.

Of course, knowing when to change direction isn't always easy.

There's a big difference between something feeling difficult because we're growing and something feeling difficult because, deep down, we know we're finished with it. Unfortunately, I don't think there's a neat little formula that tells us which one we're experiencing.

And this is where another complication often enters the room: everyone else's opinion.

We don't make our decisions in a vacuum. We have parents, partners, friends, colleagues and people who genuinely love us and want the best for us. Their advice usually comes from a good place, but it also comes through the lens of their experiences, fears, values and ideas about what a good life should look like.

Maybe you've heard those voices too.

Take the secure job. Don't risk it. You need stability. You've already put so much into this. What if it doesn't work? Be sensible. Think about your future.

Sometimes that advice is worth listening to. But sometimes we listen to it for so long that we forget to ask ourselves what we actually want.

And ultimately, they're not the ones who have to wake up and live our lives every day.

We are.

So if you're standing at some kind of crossroads in your own life right now, I'm not going to tell you to walk away. I'm not going to tell you to stay either.

But there are two questions I think are worth keeping somewhere in the back of your mind, not just for whatever you're facing today, but for the many decisions life will inevitably ask you to make in the years ahead.

Am I making this decision because it's what I truly want... or because it's what everyone else expects me to do?

Give yourself time with that one. Strip away the advice, the expectations, the sensible voices and the fear of disappointing someone. You don't have to ignore those things completely, but for a moment, find out what your answer is before everybody else's gets added to it.

Then, if you're still unsure, mentally take yourself a few years into the future and ask:

Which choice do I think I'll be most at peace with when I look back on this?

I love that question because it isn't asking which path will be easiest or which one guarantees success. We rarely get those guarantees anyway.

It's asking which decision you can imagine Future You understanding.

Maybe she'll be grateful you took the chance. Maybe she'll be relieved you walked away. Maybe she'll be incredibly thankful that you stayed and worked through the difficult season. There isn't one correct answer that applies to everyone.

There's only yours.

And perhaps that's the real permission we're looking for when we agonise over changing direction.

Not permission from our parents. Not from our friends. Not from the people watching from the sidelines. Not even from someone like me writing a blog and sharing what I've learned along the way.

Permission from ourselves.

Because sometimes we don't need permission to quit. We just need permission to choose again.

And that permission comes from you.

Cheering you on, always...
Sandra 💗